Code for dating

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Don’t make the mistake of thinking that they’ll be this way with everyone else but you.This is code red and it also covers narcissists – while they will charm you and disarm you, when they turn, they turn.They start out with small stuff and then bit by bit increase their level of input.Jealousy and possessiveness is control, not love and especially when experienced early on or it increases bit by bit where you feel like you have to justify, explain yourself, and let them keep track of you.If you are unsure of what you’re experiencing, it’s code amber, evaluate the situation, throw some icy water over your feelings and plans, 100% eyes and ears open, and try to have a conversation with them about it.But if this is within days or weeks (certainly within the first 3 months), code red.They’re an assclown – There’s ten very key signs that you’re with someone who means you and the relationship no good.People who act with love, care, trust, and respect don’t do stuff like pressing the Reset Button, the Outrageous Principle, sneakily changing the goalposts of the relationship, the Dripfeed Manouver and telling lies/misrepresenting themselves. If you’re experiencing more than one of these ‘issues’, that’s a code red, especially if you have only recently become involved with them.

Anything else is down to your own boundaries so it’s important to recognise what has made you uncomfortable in the past and why, what your values are, and ensure that actions match words and that what you’re doing is congruent with who you profess to be.We don’t ask questions, clarify information, or assert boundaries – all things that should happen in an amber situation.Following my original post ‘knowing when to bail – red flags’, I’ve now delved a little further because so many people try to be the exception to the rule and have little or no boundaries.Many of us also see the perfect opportunity to be an emotional airbag or to fix, heal, help – we end up on a pedestal.Even when confronted with code amber behaviour, we don’t process the information, pause, access what it means to us and the relationship that we have in mind or our vision of the other person.

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